Chicago’s Chriskindlemart
Depression is the Fight of the Season
I was depressed yesterday, I was depressed today, and I will be depressed tomorrow. My husband is also depressed. Sometimes life is just too hard, and the willpower it takes to stay positive and go out and keep pushing is insane. We uprooted our lives again, so it is on us, but it does take everything out of you, starting over. We’ve not been having things work out for us, and it’s taking a toll. There is a lot of pressure and guilt that has been on us by people we are close to, and that makes it even more difficult. Every morning is a fight to get out of bed, it’s a fight to push the wet wool blanket off of us and do something productive with the day. We are trying to remain positive. We are trying.
That’s why I’ve been failing at keeping up a schedule for blogging and writing. Some days I just don’t have it in me. I can barely make a caption for my Instagram posts, let alone do work. The guilt you then feel for feeling like this…when so many other people have it far worse, but it really isn’t something that is controllable. Finding things in your life you can be grateful for, and understand the privileges you have compared to others, and then taking that and using it as a tool to not only be humble in your situation but to fight through the pain, is the only thing we can do. Every week I take ten minutes to apologize for the things the mistakes I made during the week and acknowledge all that I’m grateful for, but even after doing that, I can still feel nothing or everything. Pain is pain. We all feel it in different ways, for different reasons, but we all experience it. Mine is currently the result of life events.
I’m trying to remain in a festive mood, and focusing on yoga, meditation, reading, crocheting, and being cozy. These are all things that help me feel something…help me feel better.
I’m hoping once we can get to where we need to be, things will click into place and we can see the sun again.
I’m hoping I will hear back from the government, and we will get our health insurance, as I need to go in for my migraines and figure out what the cause is. I have a feeling all of this will lead to a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, as some people have guessed, but we will see.
My cat childs paws make me so happy. I love holding them.
^^^^YES^^^^^
These Alpaca’s have scarves! Scarves I say.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
- The Little Drummer Girl – A miniseries on AMC, based off a John le Carré novel. It stars Michael Shannon, Alexander Skarsgård, and Florence Pugh. It’s about Israeli spies who use an orthodox way of gaining access to a Palestinian terrorist group and taking them down from the inside out. I absolutely became obsessed with this show. I think it’s so good.
- Assassins Creed: Odyssey – I am putting in some serious time with this game. I love the new RPG role and that you can play as a female.
- Killing Eve – A BBC show, that you can currently binge on Hulu, is a show about a MI5 agent (Sandra Oh) whose mostly only seen desk duty and a female assassin ( Jodie Comer) that get entangled in a game of cat-and-mouse. It’s a game changer.
- Smart Water Bottle – This water bottle lights up and tells you when you need to drink more water. It’s a great way to keep track of your water consumption.
I think I commented a while back on your page about having migraines as well. My migraines affect my depression and anxiety, and vice versa as it usually goes. I can’t imagine how scary it must be to face everything without health insurance. I’m trying to get something done with SSI & insurance for the near future since I didn’t “make the cut” for disability. I have to go before the court next year sometime and it’s been so frustrating… Just to think about having to pay out of pocket for even one of my seizure medications gives me nightmares. I hope you discover what is your underlying health problem. It’s almost a relief if you find out it IS indeed something just because then you can find possible treatment or management. I have chronic Lyme disease but I was left untreated for over 10 years and misdiagnosed as well. They do think I have trouble with Fibro, but it’s also said the Fibro could just be a part of the Lyme if that makes sense? Either way, sorry for this long comment when all I really wanted to say is: “I feel ya and I hope everything works out okay!”
I do remember! Thanks Chelsea. I’m sorry you have to go through all of that. It’s insane how much work it takes for people to get the help they need. I hope everything works out and you don’t have to pay out of pocket for your care. It’s hard knowing you need a doctor and you need tests and you need medication, but having to put off treatment because you cannot afford it, therefore the pain and symptoms get worse. Knowing is a key factor in my recovery. I truly believe that. I’ve done everything under the sun to treat myself without prescriptive medication and it’s just not working. Thanks for reaching out. I hope it gets better for us both!
Hi, I am so sorry to hear that you are not doing well and I wish I had the advice to give you but the only one I have is just to keep your (achy) head up and keep pushing through every day. I think the worst is when thing after thing doesn’t work out for you and you start to feel hopeless. Stick to little things that make you feel better whether that is your cat or books. I hope it gets better for both of you in 2019.
xx A.
Thanks for the push and positive motivation! I am in much need of that lately. I really appreciate it 🙂